I Don't Want to Want You: EPOV Oneshot
by justxxwicked
Summary: Chapters 6 and 7 of "I Don't Want to Want You" in EPOV.


**A/N: WOO HOO! EPOV!!! I had the sudden urge to write an EPOV, and since some of the readers of I Don't Want to Want You were asking about EPOV this one is deticated to you. =) This chapter is actually both chapters 6 and 7 in EPOV. I just thought it would be better that way.  
Oh yeah, and adults who say that 11th grade is the worst? They weren't kidding. It friggin' sucks.  
Enjoy. =)  
P.S.- New Moon was AWESOME! I've seen it 3 times already. Rob Pattinson? I think I'm in love. =)**

**Disclaimer: SMeyer owns.**

* * *

The Mess I Made: EPOV

_Woke today, another memory passes of you  
Shades of gray from those three broken words  
That unfold the truth but..._

I'll never forget those eyes, that beautiful smile.  
I still remember the way you said "good-bye"  
No matter how hard I try I can't forget about

Beautiful Girl  
On top of the world  
Don't fall down  
Because an angel  
Should never touch ground

~Broken Iris

I was going fucking crazy.

I knew I was slowly beginning to lose my mind when Bella's scent hit my nose.

_Bella. My Bella_.

I remember the night clearly. The night Carlisle came home from a busy day at the hospital and the scent of Bella's blood came with him. That was nearly two weeks ago. I remember running at vampire speed down the steps and searching the house for Bella and shouting at the top of my lungs "why the hell would you go and find her?" thinking that she was here in the house with us.

I had asked my family to stay out of Bella's life just like I had promised to do that fateful day I said 'goodbye' to my love. As soon as I could trust them not to go seek out Bella, I left. I left in search of Victoria for cautionary purposes. I had no proof that she would go after Bella but I wanted to be safe.

I never understood how Bella's scent could be on Carlisle. Though he spent most of his time at the hospital, the short moments he did come home, the scent was overwhelming. Suffocating. I had asked him about it but he gave nothing away. Not even his thoughts. All his thoughts were of his current patients at the hospital.

I knew my family was worried about me. I didn't want them to worry, so I spent most of the time out of the house. I knew my many emotions were affecting the family, mostly Jasper. I would leave the house and sit in the woods. Hunting didn't seem important to me anymore, even though I needed to. My eyes were pitch black most of the time and I knew if I crossed paths with a human, their fate may be a bad one.

The days seemed to slur together and drag after I left Bella standing there in the woods. I had turned around and forced myself not to look at her face as I ran. I knew her heart was breaking, but she was a human, time heals all wounds. I didn't care about much after I left. My life, and my world, was back in Forks, Washington and I didn't want to think about anything else. I had to force myself multiple times not to go back, no matter how bad I wanted to see her and check up on her.

I was currently sitting in the same spot I had been occupying since the day Carlisle came home from the hospital, in the woods, when I decided I should head back. I had been sitting there since the night before and I couldn't sit there any longer.

I wasn't paying much attention as I was walking back but I suddenly froze when I heard a familiar voice coming from inside the house.

"Well thank you, Emmett. Thank you everybody. You have no idea how bad I want to completely forgive you all, but I just need a little bit more time."

_It couldn't be. Could it?_ I thought as I slowly opened the front door and walked inside.

The looks on my family's faces turned cold as they all faced me and I saw the girl who had been haunting my thoughts that past six years freeze and take a deep breath before slowly turning around in her seat.

"Bella?" it was the first time I had said her name out lout do anybody in six years, and doing so caused my cold, dead heart to break.

I watched in pained silence as Alice stoop up to help Bella stand up from the couch. _Why can't she get up on her own?_ Bella crossed her arms across her chest and glared at me as she greeted me.

"Hello, Edward."

She really was here. I wanted to smile. I wanted to run up and twirl her in my arms and kiss her and tell her how much I loved her, but with one look at her face I knew it wouldn't be the best of ideas.

"Bella…" was the only thing I thought I could do without pissing too many people off but when she rolled her eyes I knew I should have just kept my mouth shut.

Bella jumped as one of my siblings growled and my eyes widened as I realized it was Rosalie, who was being held back by her husband, whose glare was still focused on me.

"You bastard," Rosalie growled, "you told her you didn't love her? How dense can you get?!" Everyone stared at Rosalie in shock. She had hated Bella with a cold-hearted passion before we left, and now she was defending her?

I knew Rosalie would dethatched my head from my shoulders as soon as she saw had it not been for Emmett still holding her back. "Rosie, please stop. You know the only thing I want to do right now is pummel him to the ground at this moment, but we have to let them work it out."

"Emmett, let go! _Some_one has to knock some sense into him!"

I saw Bella look at me from the corner of my eye. I was not fazed by my sister's words, as I had deserved each and every one of them.

"Bella, I…" I started as I turned back to face her, but was quickly interrupted.

"No, Edward. Whatever you have to say, I don't want to hear it." Bella released herself from Alice's grasp and took a few steps forward. The look in her eyes had gotten cooler as she stared right at me. "Edward, when's the last time you hunted?" she suddenly asked and I felt every pair of eyes on me.

"A few weeks ago…" I replied, no louder than a whisper, still not taking my eyes off of her.

Bella took a second to look around at my family before she shook her head and started towards the door. "I have to get out of here," she murmured.

As she walked past me, I quickly grabbed her wrist without thinking.

"Don't touch me," she pleaded that broke my heart even more.

"Bella, please…let me explain," I pleaded back, my grip on her wrist loosening.

"No," she said, tears beginning to fall from her eyes. "Edward, please let me go!" she shouted.

"Edward. Let her go," I heard Carlisle say behind me. I reluctantly let Bella go and she quickly opened the door to leave.

She ran down the steps of the porch and I followed her.

"Bella," I called.

"What, Edward?" Bella snapped. "What do you want?"

"I want to explain. My reasons for leaving."

"What, not loving me wasn't reason enough?" I visibly flinched at the memory of what I had told her that day. "What could be worse than telling someone you no longer love them? Because, _Edward_," she sneered my name as she placed her small hands on her hips "that seems pretty damn bad to me."

"But I _do_ love you, Bella!" I shouted and I watched as she froze and her arms fell slowly to her sides. Her eyes softened for a split second before her face hardened again and became even angrier than she had been before.

"What the hell is your problem, Edward? You can't tell someone you no longer love them, leave, then return after some time away and declare your love for them again, it doesn't matter _what_ century you're from."

"Hell yeah! You tell him, Bella!" We both jumped as was realized that the whole family had followed us outside and were currently watching from the porch. I kept my eyes on Bella as they told Emmett to 'shut up'. Bella's gaze slowly met mine again as she waited for a reply.

"Bella, I didn't leave because I didn't love you," I scoffed at him but he ignored it and continued. "God, you have no idea how much I loved you, and still do! That day was hands down the most painful day of my existence. I lied to you, Bella. I didn't leave because I didn't love you. No, I left because my world…it's not for you. I left to protect you!"

"Protection?" She asked with a dark chuckle. "You left to protect me? That, Edward, is the worst excuse I have ever heard." My head cocked to the side in confusion. "Here's one name for you Edward: Victoria." I could practically feel my eyes darkened even more as Victoria's name fell out of her mouth.

"She came back here," I murmured. "She wasn't supposed to come back here…I…I chased her down south…" I could tell she had no idea what I was talking about, and I knew my family didn't either. I hadn't meant to say it all out loud, so that just confused them even more. I started to pace back and forth as I thought about what I had done wrong.

"Edward, what are you talking about?" my pacing stopped but I could find it in me to look at her.

"Bella, what happened after we – _I_ – left?" I could tell my question threw her off guard because she didn't answer right away. When she did, she pointed at my family behind me.

"Why don't you ask one of them? They know the story." I quickly began shaking my head. I wanted to hear it from her.

"No, I need to hear it from you." My eyes finally met hers and she seemed conflicted. I didn't know what to expect, but what I did hear was definitely not what I expected.

Bella let out a shaky breath and looked down at her right hand.

The hand with the scar.

"After you left…I was numb, with the occasional pain in my chest. I thought it hurt when James bit me, but let me tell you, you leaving hurt like a bitch." I closed my eyes and my jaw clenched but didn't say anything. "I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. When I could sleep I had nightmares. Terrible ones. You starred in every single one of them." I opened my eyes again just as Bella looked back up from her wrist. I hoped she knew how sorry I was.

I noticed the fresh tears that were falling down her beautiful face but she ignored them and continued. "For months I held on to the hope that you would soon return. I left my window open every night, so if you returned you could come in. For a while I thought I was losing it. I could hear your voice every time I would do something reckless or stupid." She ran a shaky hand through her hair and avoided my gaze. "I pretty soon began to live off of the voices. Not long after the voices started, I started to search for the meadow. I searched for days. When I….when I finally found it…Laurent was there." I heard a few intakes of breathes but Bella continued. "He told me he was doing some business for Victoria…he was going to kill me. He would have to if…if it hadn't had been for the wolves…"

"Wolves…?" I asked hesitantly. Certainly she didn't mean _werewolves_.

"The werewolves." I heard a few more intakes of breath, including mine and excluding Carlisle and Alice. _Did they know_?

"You don't mean…"

"Yes…the Quileutes. Jacob was one of them." That name sounded familiar but I couldn't remember it right away.

"Jacob…Jacob…Jacob _BLACK_?!"

"Yes…Jacob Black. He was the one who picked up the pieces of my heart that you had dropped." She crossed her arms across her chest again and I ignored her glare as I began to panic about her being involved with the wolves.

"Bella, you were friends with werewolves? Do you know how dangerous they are?!"

"Oh, and you're not dangerous? If I do recall correctly, Edward Cullen, you were the one who told me you wanted to attack and suck me dry the first day we met." My whole body froze as she hit it where it hurts. She was right. I didn't almost kill her the first day I saw her.

But that was different.

"That's different."

"How is it different, Edward? If it wasn't for the pack I'd be dead!" I watched as the tears fell freely down her face. She didn't make a move to stop them as she stood there and looked at me. I knew I was being hypocritical. Yes, the werewolves were dangerous, but so are vampires.

But I also knew that most of the werewolves on the reservation were new. Puppies even. They didn't know how to control themselves, at the time she was still living in Forks at least.

"Edward, Bella's right." I spun around to glare at Carlisle who was giving Bella a small smile.

He was on her side.

They all were.

"But Carlisle…"

"No, Edward. I met Jacob Black. He has no desire to harm her. And let's just say he wasn't happy to see me either," Carlisle added with a small chuckle. He had met the dog? How had I not noticed _that_ smell?

I saw Bella give Carlisle a small, watery smile back and then turn back towards me.

"Bella, please. If something were to happen to you…I don't know what I would do."

"Then do something about Victoria!" She shouted. Her eyes were wide as she stared at me. They looked pain and conflicted. I had been worrying so much about the werewolves that I did forget about Victoria for a short moment.

Bella shook her head and started to turn around before I choked out her name.

"Bella, please…don't go."

"That's funny, Edward, I'm pretty sure those were the exact same words I said to you before you left." I heard her voice crack as she forced the sentence out. She was no longer shouting. She didn't seem to have any more energy left in her to shout. She looked so broken and hurt. I hadn't realized how well she was holding it together earlier.

I knew that if I were human I would have been sobbing myself. But I wasn't, and I couldn't. How I wished at that moment to have the ability to cry. To really show her how sorry I was. I looked at her as my face became more pained and my heart started to break even more. _I didn't even think that was possible._

Bella stared at me for a few moments with different emotions flashing across her face. I watched as she sniffed and turned towards Carlisle and the rest of the family, who stood unmoving on the porch.

"I...I'm sorry…" She choked out before running to her car.

"Bella, wait!" I called as she struggled to unlock her car door. "Don't go, I love you, please. I'm so sorry. Just give me a chance!" A sob escaped from my throat as her own sob left her. She squeezed her eyes shut and opened them again before turning towards me once more.

Edward," she hiccupped, "stop. You don't understand. I used to have so many dreams of our own happy endings. But now…now it's too late. You can't…you're too late, Edward." She slowly turned back towards her car but before getting in, she turned towards me again.

"Please hunt, Edward. I wouldn't want you to do something you might regret." She said it so quietly, but she looked me in the eyes as she said it. I knew I had to hunt. I was surprised how I hadn't had the urge to attack her this whole time since I hadn't hunted in a few weeks; but my love for her was stronger, and our separation only made the will to not hurt her even stronger.

She brought one of her hands up to her face to, unsuccessfully, wipe away the tears that were falling. Oh, how I wished to wipe those tears away from her face. An angel shouldn't cry and it hurt me terribly to watch her cry.

Without a look back, she jumped into the driver's side of her car, closed the door, and drove away. The rain had started to fall as I fell to my knees onto the icy, cold ground.

I put my head in my hands as I muttered "what have I done?" over and over. I hardly noticed my family surrounding me as I had my breakdown. They may have hated what I had done, hell, I hated what I had done, but they were still my family and they still tried to help me when I didn't deserve it.

Without a word, I quickly stood up and walked towards the woods to hunt. It's what Bella wanted me to do and I would do anything she asked me to do. Anything to gain her trust, and her love, back.

~*~*~*~

After I spent a few hours hunting, I went back to the house. Everybody fell silent as I stepped through the front door and while they were silent externally, their minds were not so silent. Their thoughts were a mix of sadness, concern, and anger.

I mumbled a quiet apology as I slowly walked up the stairs to shower. I hadn't showered in a few days and the hot water felt good when I stepped in. I stood in the shower for a few minutes with my head against the shower wall and the water beating down on my back.

I thought back to everything that Bella had said. She was right about everything. I left to protect, yet all I did was put her in even more danger. Thought she wouldn't have had to worry about Victoria if we were never there in the first place. Though, she still had a point.

But, the past is the past and I was going to do everything in my power to fix what I had broken.

Long after the water had turned cold; I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around myself. I walked up to the bathroom mirror and wiped to steam away to see myself in the refection. I noted that the topaz color had returned but I still looked like shit.

I laughed without humor as I walked back into the bedroom. The sun was beginning to rise as I got dressed and sat down at the end of the unneeded bed.

I had been sitting there for an unmeasured amount of time when I heard a soft knocking on the door. I whispered a "come in" and I looked up as I saw Alice slowly closing the door then turning around to look at me.

"Hey," she said, looking down at the floor. I wasn't used to this Alice. I was used to the hyper, overly happy Alice, though I knew that that Alice was not here right now. She hadn't been since we all separated ourselves from Bella's life.

"Hi," I whispered back, watching as she sat down next to me.

"Edward, you have to get her back." I had never heard Alice sound so sad. Her voice cracked as she begged me to get Bella back. I felt terrible for doing to this to my family. "I want my sister back, Edward. I _need_ my sister back."

I held her as she tearlessly sobbed. "I'm so sorry, Alice." I held her tighter as I whispered promises I hoped I could keep. "I will do everything I can to get her back. I can't live without her anymore."

"You better, Edward. This family isn't complete without her." I hugged Alice once more before she stood up to leave. "Are you going to be okay?" she asked me as she turned back around to face me.

"I don't know," I answered honestly. She gave me a small smile before turning around to open the door and leave. _I miss her_, she thought as she closed the door behind her.

I sat there for a while longer in silence but immediately was on alert when I heard Carlisle answer the phone. I couldn't hear who was on the other line from my bedroom but I could hear Carlisle clearly.

"Carlisle Cullen speaking…Why, hello Bella. What can I help you with?" _Bella? Bella was calling Carlisle? Why? _"And what might this problem be?" As Carlisle became more uncertain, I hurried downstairs to listen closer.

"Victoria's in Seattle," I heard Bella say and I hurried to stand next to Carlisle who told me to keep quiet.

"Are you sure?" was all his asked. I

"Yes, I'm sure. The same day I was shot, the crime scene consisted of two victims. One was shot the other was…well his body was completely drained of his blood," I gasped as I heard Bella explain the crime scene to Carlisle. It was still hard to believe she was a homicide detective. But right then I wanted to know where Victoria was. "Today while I was at work, they brought in the guy that shot me. He said…he said he saw a red-headed woman sucking the blood of- well, you know. So we have two problems: Victoria is back _and_ a human saw her."

Carlisle went silent as I began to panic. _A human saw her? That could cause problems for everyone!_

"Bella, I need you to call the wolves back in La Push." _What?_

"What? Why?" She sounded worried. _But I thought she was friends with them?_

"Bella, you need to warn them where Victoria is and they need to know that you are in danger again."

"But-"

"Call them, Bella, you'll feel more comfortable if you have one of your friends there with you than one of us, am I correct?"

"Yes, but-"

"I'm going to call the rest of my family and let them know," Carlisle paused for a few seconds and looked at me and, again, told to me calm down. "You're going to be fine, Bella. We won't let anything happen to you."

"It's not me I'm worried about. I don't care what happens me. I don't want anything to happen to the pack or, even though your family isn't on my most favorite people list right now, I don't what anyone in your family to get hurt either." _Well that's a start._

"Don't worry about us, Bella," Carlisle said with a small chuckle, "right now, worry about yourself."

"I don't like worrying about myself," she mumbled and remembered how selfless Bella always was. Carlisle chuckled an "I know" before telling her to call the Pack and hanging up.

"I have to go to her," I said as soon as he hung up the phone.

I was already out of the door when I heard Carlisle telling me I needed wait so we could figure something out. Of course I didn't listen and I was already in my car before the end of his sentence.

I had figured out Bella's address from both Carlisle and Alice's thoughts, they were both accidental slips, but I was glad I got it. I had arrived at Bella's in no time and didn't even think as I ran up to the door and banged on it.

I heard Bella gasp as she opened the door and I swept right past her.

"Edward, what the hell are you doing here?" she asked as she slammed the door shut. I was already rushing through all of the rooms in the house as she shut the door. "Edward, what-"

"Shh…" I could tell she was pissed when I shushed her but I kept searching the house and making sure no other vampires had been here.

"Edward, damn it, what are doing here?" I finally stopped going through all the rooms of the house and stopped right in front of her.

"I got a call from Carlisle saying Victoria is here in Seattle, you can't expect me to be calm about this."

"I can and I will. Edward, I've taken care of myself for the past six years. I'm twenty-four years old."

"But this is a vampire we're dealing with."

"I don't care! I was also dealing with her _and_ Laurant back in Forks, no thanks to you."

"I'm sorry-"

"Ugh! Stop with the 'I'm sorry''s. You made your choice. You left. Sure, it took me a little while to get over it, but as soon as I did, I promised myself that I would never put myself in anybody's hands again. I don't want to give my heart or soul to anyone anymore. I couldn't even have a relationship with Jacob."

"The _wolf_?"

"Yes, Jacob the Wolf. I wish you wouldn't have such a grudge against the Pack, they _did_ save my life."

"My leaving really did hurt you more than if I had stayed," I mumbled.

"Good job, Cullen. Took you long enough to realize it," I visibly cringed and I saw her eyes soften a bit as I did so. "Listen Edward, you can't just come back and expect to have my forgiveness right away. It's not fair to me. It's been six years without you and with everything that's going on, well, it's a little overwhelming." I nodded slightly but didn't say anything. "You took my advice."

"What?" I asked, my head snapped up to look at her. I had no idea what she was talking about.

"You hunted." Oh. That.

"Well, I didn't want to do something I would most definitely regret," I said with a smile. It wasn't the best smile, but I realized it was one of the first times I had smiled in six years, and maybe the first time I had smiled at her in six years.

"I think you should go, Edward," she said calmly. I was reluctant to leave and I hesitantly took a step forward towards her.

"Bella, we will keep you safe and I won't let anything happen to you. And no matter how long it takes, I will do everything in my power to earn your forgiveness, even if that means I have to work side-by-side with the werewolves," I then gently grabbed one of her hands and gave it a gentle kiss before walking around her and towards the door.

I couldn't help but smile as her heart skipped a beat and the blood rushed to her cheeks. It also didn't escape my notice that she stood frozen in the same spot I had left her in as I drove out of her driveway.

I was already finding my way back into her heart.

* * *

**A/N: So...whatdya think? Yay or nay? It was kind of easy to write since, you know, I had already written it. I just needed to switch POV's. =)**

**~Sydney**


End file.
